I love my technology, I really do, and Google, despite their flaws, is one of my favorite companies ever. So I have Gmail, and Google Docs, and Google+, and I have a Google Voice number. I use that number to capture all of the voice mail I get from both my cell and Skype numbers, and bless their geeky little hearts, Google not only captures and stores my messages, it does its best to translate them into text for me, and it sends those text messages to my cell. And because some of my peeps are “southerners,” hilarity ensues.
This is the first of what I’m sure will be many posts containing the garbled efforts of Google’s transcription engine to parse the language of “Southern.” Keep in mind that Google never has a single hiccup trying to follow the electronic lady who calls from Rite Aid.
The text that starts us off is a rendition of a call from my sister. I’ll call her… “Kim,” mostly because that’s her name. And here is her message, or rather, what Google’s transcription engine thought was her message:
Had a will come and I’ve heard, stay get the email. I’ll try to get that cabinet out I was. George build a fit into bed right but but love you. Then we will I get to have that. Wang, I hope there’s not a ball park, copy shortly. Bye.
I’ve read this dozens of times, and it still brings me to tears and makes my stomach hurt. We listened to the recording of this message, and where it says “Wang, I hope there’s not a ball park…,” “Kim” has no idea what she really said. And it’s not just “wang,” it’s “waaaaang.” It’s one of our new code words. Where previously “dang,” or “daadguuuumm” might be the interjection of choice, now we use “waaaaang” almost exclusively. I’m still trying to find a way to tack “copy shortly” onto the end of a sentence.
To give you an idea of how far off this is, we do know that “email” was “key,” and “George build a fit” was “storage building to put.” I think it’s actually better to let the rest remain a bit murky.
I thought at first that maybe Google is using these recordings in a secret effort to improve its voice-to-text transcription service. But then I realized they’d need a “native speaker” to enter corrections so that the software could learn, and I’ve not seen anything in the news about such an endeavor.
Of course, should they decide to take up the challenge, I am ready and willing to serve, though I’m not sure I’d be very effective, what with all the giggling fits. At least I’ve learned not to check my messages with my mouth full.